Fiona Fest

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What's It All About Alfie?
(Chapters 1-5)


Chapter One




A feeling of overwhelming joy brought Jenna to her senses as she opened her eyes to a shimmering light. Where was--? She turned to see Buzz sleeping soundly beside her. A hundred scented candles filled the air with their sweet perfume. 'Why--? Oh, yes. My birthday!' Jenna felt for the locket lying against her breast. So like the one she'd given to Vanessa those many years ago! And like that locket 
of old, it sprang open to a picture of children. Jenna stared at them through the flickering shadows. Rocky, Coop, and her littlest one, Fatima. She smiled to herself and leaned over to nudge her wonderful husband with a kiss, but Jenna must have nudged a bit too hard, for Buzz sluggishly began to awaken. 

"Hmmm?" he mumbled. "What...?" 

"It's nothing," whispered Jenna. "Wake up and go to sleep." 

"Mmmm," Buzz muttered again before rolling over on his side, quick to obey his wife's command. Jenna smiled again. He deserved some rest after pulling double duty, so to speak, in their bed that night! The candles, the beautiful locket (from Tiffany's, no less), the party, their glorious lovemaking--no wonder the man was exhausted! But why wasn't Jenna tired as well? Not as if she'd laid back thinking of England, after all! 

Jenna chuckled aloud, suddenly recalling Harley's asking at the party, as a joke, what grounds everyone would use for a divorce, and Jenna had blurted out, "Well, it wouldn't be sexual incompatibility." 'Guess they all knew what was on my mind,' she blushed, but her eyes twinkled more brightly than any of the candles flickering about her. Poor Harley... 

But why was she wide awake? Why was her heart pounding? It had been the dream! No, not that kind of a dream, but what kind? Jenna rarely remembered her dreams, only the occasional nightmare. And this hadn't been a nightmare. Jenna stared at the ceiling, trying to remember. 

The locket! She'd dreamed about the locket...No...Some other present. Some wonderful present for her birthday, wonderful beyond all imagining! But what was it? What could it be? Jenna couldn't guess. Puzzled, she moved closer to Buzz. At the touch of her hand, he rolled over in his sleep to face her again. Jenna closed her eyes and listened to her husband's quiet breathing. She subconsciously began to time her own breaths to coincide with his, and soon even their hearts beat as 
one. Jenna forgot her dreams to fall asleep in her husband's arms, feeling... indescribably happy.


Chapter Two

The smell of sizzling bacon led Jenna into the kitchen. "G'morning, sleepyhead," Buzz greeted her from in front of the stove. "Da flapjacks are on da griddle." 

"Good morning, lover," Jenna purred. 

"You were sleeping so sound this morning, what kept you up last night, Petula? I know what kept me up last night--" 

"What about now?" Jenna jumped into his arms. 

"Petula...!" 

"Oh, man, get a room!" Coop groaned as he led his brother and sister into the kitchen, catching his parents 'in flagrante', so to speak. 

"We'll be able to use your room when we throw you out on the street," said Buzz. 

"Where'll I stay?" Rocky asked in all seriousness. 

"Your father is joking," explained Jenna. "We were just having a little fun is all," she said to Coop. 

"Fun!" Coop smirked. 

"Have a little respect for your mother," warned Buzz. 

"I do," replied Coop. 

"And did you have sweet dreams, my little one?" Jenna picked up her five year old daughter, Fatima, to give her a good morning kiss. 

"I dreamed I was starving and hungry and nobody would feed me!" Fatima replied breathlessly. 

"She's as subtle as her old lady," said Buzz. "Let's sit down and eat." 

"I think Mom gets younger every birthday," noted Coop gallantly. 

"Thank you, Coop," Jenna responded as she set the table for them. "It's nice to know there's ONE gentleman in the family." 

"Nice line, kid," whispered Buzz admiringly. "A good line'll getya a long way in this world, believe me."

********************************************

"Are you comin' to watch us, Mom?" Rocky asked. It was early summer, little league baseball season. "I'm gonna use my new Derek Jeter glove." 

"I can't believe a son of mine would sink so low as to be a Yankee fan," Buzz shook his head theatrically. 

"He only likes 'em 'cause he knows I hate the damn Yankees," 
said Coop. 

"Do not!" said Rocky. 

"Do too!" cried Buzz and Coop. 

"Well, I think that New York is the most exciting city in the world," Jenna leaped to the defense of her isolated son. "I'm glad that Rocky doesn't suffer from the small-town insecurity all too common in the inhabitants of our dear little Springfield." 

"Oh, there's only two things you like about New York," scoffed Buzz. "Going to Broadway shows and spending at least twice as much on everything as you would here at home." 

"But to get back to Rocky's question," said Jenna: "Your game doesn't start until one, does it?" 

"One o'clock, right, but we practice before," said Rocky. 

"Yes, while you boys are practicing with your father, Fatima and I are going for a little hike." 

"I'm gonna pick wildflowers," said Fatima happily. 

"That's right, Ti," Jenna smiled, using the little girl's nickname. "And then we'll go down to watch your brothers play, and afterwards we can all stop for some ice cream. How's that?" 

"Sounds like a plan," said Buzz. "You guys clear off the table 
and we'll get goin'."


Chapter Three




"Rocky said there's sharks in the lake," explained Fatima to her mother, "and Daddy said there weren't no sharks, and Rocky said, 'How do you know?', and Daddy said, ''Cause I got eaten by one', and Rocky said, 'You didn't get eat by no shark', and Daddy said, 'See, there ain't any!'" At the conclusion of her breathless saga, Fatima began laughing uncontrollably, the sun sparkling in her beautiful brown eyes. 

"That sounds like your father," chuckled Jenna. "Men are very silly creatures, Ti." 

"Rocky and Coop are mean!" exclaimed the little girl. "They said my hair was like a pig." 

"You mean a pigtail?" 

Fatima enthusiastically nodded her head. 

"They weren't being mean, Fatima, that's just a way that little girls wear their hair. Just means your hair is braided, is all." 

"Boys are mean," Fatima stubbornly insisted. 

"Well, sometimes boys are mean," agreed Jenna; "but do you remember when that bad dog was about to bite you and Coop drove it away?" 

"Coop got scratched, but he didn't cry," recalled Fatima. 

"Yes, Coop was very brave. And Rocky read you a story about Donald Duck just yesterday, didn't he?" 

"Yes," agreed Fatima. "I love Rocky and Coop." 

"And they love you, too...And their game is going to be starting soon," Jenna noted while checking her watch. "We'd better be going." 

They had driven up to a bluff overlooking the lake, through which ran a nature trail that Jenna enjoyed exploring when she had the time. Now back at the car, Jenna secured her little girl in the safety seat and got in front to drive back down to Roosevelt Park. But when she turned the ignition, all she got was a hollow clicking sound. 

"What's wrong now?" Jenna cried as she tried again, and yet again, only to be met with the same stupid click. "Wait here, Mummy will be right back," she said to Fatima as she pushed the hood release button and stepped outside to take a look. 

"Still there," Jenna wryly commented while staring at the engine. She randomly felt a few wires, all of which seemed to be in place. "How many times have I told Buzz that I was going to let him teach me something about cars?" Jenna muttered to herself in frustration. Leaning into the back seat to make sure Fatima was all 
right, she added: "Ti, only an idiot would leave the house without her cell phone. Your mother is an idiot!" 

When Jenna straightened back up, she was startled by the figure of a man looming over her. "Oh!" Jenna cried, only to be calmed by the realization that he was an elderly fellow, very thin and frail, with wispy grey hair and a neatly clipped mustache. 

"Are you having car trouble?" the old man asked. He stared at her with handsome eyes of indeterminate color (from one angle they seemed blue, from another slightly green, and from still a third, purple), and possessed a somewhat scratchy voice. 

"Ah! Yes!" Jenna exclaimed, motioning to the incapacitated vehicle. "Darned thing won't start, I'm afraid." 

"Would you like me to take a look at it?" 

"Do you know anything about engines?" Jenna asked. 

"A little," the man smiled, a rather mysterious smile, Jenna couldn't make out if it was supposed to be ironic or affectionate. She watched him slowly and systematically check out the stalled car, pausing only to cough a few times and to request that Jenna try starting it up again. Unfortunately, his tinkering was to no avail. 

"I think you probably have a bad logic board," the man reported at last. 

"Yes?" 

"Hard to tell for sure. You really need the right diagnostic equipent to figure out what's wrong with 'em these days." 

"Yes, my husband, Buzz, says that they make engines so complicated now that it takes all the fun out of working on them. Doesn't stop him, though...Would you like to sit down?" she asked, noticing how out of breath her good samaritan seemed. 

"Thanks," he said, gratefully slipping into the seat beside her. 

"Must be the altitude." There wasn't much altitude anywhere in Springfield, but she let it pass. "Who's this?" the man asked, for the first time catching sight of Fatima in the back seat. 

"That's my daughter, Ti, Mr...?" 

"Alfred Williams." 

"Mr.---" 

"Please, call me Al." 

"How do you do, Al. My name is Jenna Bradshaw Cooper." For some reason, Al seemed a bit disappointed when she'd given him her full name, and hesitated before accepting her offer of a handshake, but his grasp was warm and tender, and for some reason put Jenna completely at ease. "It's very kind of you to try to help us, but...uh...You wouldn't happen to have a telephone in your car, would you, Alfie?" 

"No, I don't," said Williams. "But I'll drive you anyplace you'd like to go." 

"I don't wish to put you out--" 

"No trouble at all."

**************************************

"Are you sure you don't want me to stop and call a tow truck?" Alfred Williams asked as he let his passengers out in front of a baseball diamond. 

"You've done enough for us, Al." 

"You can call me 'Alfie'." Jenna smiled in embarrassment at her earlier familiarity. "That's the British diminutive for Alfred, isn't it? Especially the Cockneys." 

"Indeed it is, Alfie. Please, let me give you something--" 

"Don't insult me," Alfie demured, keeping Jenna from reaching for her wallet. 

"But you've been such a lifesaver for us." 

"If you want to repay me," said Alfie, "just give me...Just give me a hug from your sweet little girl." But the bashful Fatima didn't want a hug from a stranger, and ran behind her mother for protection. 

"All right," Alfie said resignedly. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Jenna. It was a true pleasure." 

And with what seemed a crestfallen look on his face, Alfred Williams drove away. 

"Petula," greeted Buzz as Fatima sprang into her daddy's arms. 

"You're late. Who was that?" 

"I'll tellya later," said Jenna. "What's the score?" 


Chapter Four






Late as usual, Buzz and Jenna tried to slip into the offices of the Cooper, Bradshaw and Cooper Detective Agency without being detected. They didn't succeed. 

"Where have you two been?" Harley Cooper snarled, stomping out of the reception area. 

"We told you we had to drop off the kids," explained Buzz. 

"It's almost lunch time!" 

"We were, uh...We were..." Jenna's brow furled. 

"Aren't you two a little old for that?" Harley asked sarcastically. 

"Harley!" 

"Hey, it's not like we had anything to do here this morning," said Buzz. 

"Yeah? Well, you may just have lost us a client." 

"A client?" 

"Yeah, he's in there," Harley nodded back through the reception room door. "But he won't talk to me. Insists on seeing Jenna." 

"Me?" 

"Jenna?" 

"Yeah," Harley shrugged. As Jenna walked inside, Harley said to her father: "Better look out, Dad. This may be an old flame--" 

"Alfie!" Jenna cried from within. 

"Alfie!" Buzz repeated, and stormed into the reception area to get in between his wife and what he assumed to be, at the very least, the reincarnation of Cary Grant, leaving a giggling Harley to go about her business. 

Buzz froze in his tracks, seeing that Jenna's old 'beau' was old enough to be his father. "Buzz--" 

"Is this your husband?" the old man wheezed while rising to his feet. Buzz felt vaguely uncomfortable from the close inspection that 'Alfred Williams' gave him as they shook hands. 

"Mr. Williams is the man who rescued us when the car broke down," Jenna explained. 

"'Rescued' is a mighty strong word," said Williams. 

"Close enough," Buzz agreed gratefully. "And you know your engines, Mr. Williams. It was a bad logic board." 

"Call me 'Al', please...Uhmm, it was really lucky for me that I met your wife, Mr. Cooper." 

"Alfie has a problem that he was just going to tell me about, Buzz," said Jenna. 

"Oh. Well, I'll let you get to it, then," Buzz said, remembering Harley's mentioning that the man would speak only with Jenna. "Nice meeting you, Al." 

Once Buzz had gone, Alfie cleared his throat as if her were about to speak, but, instead, remained stiffly silent. 

"Would you care to sit down?" wondered Jenna. 

"No," said Alfie. 

"Well, what is it that we can do for you?" 

"Do we have to talk here?" Alfie asked. 

"Uhhhh...No." Jenna scratched her head. "But--" 

"I'm not comfortable here," said Alfie. "Would you care to have lunch." 

"Lunch?" 

"It's a personal matter. I'm not comfortable discussing it with strangers. I'd feel more like...I was speaking with...a friend...if..." 

"I hope you are speaking with a friend, Alfie," Jenna smiled bewitchingly to the old man. "I'd be delighted to dine with you, if for no other reason than that it's sure to infuriate my partner, Harley." 


Chapter Five






As they waited for their orders to arrive, Alfie popped a mentholated cough drop into his mouth. "Might think of seeing a doctor about that," Jenna suggested before sipping a glass of water. 

"I have," said Alfie. "Nothing to worry about, the cough drops take care of it. Talking too much irritates my throat, though, so if it seems like I'm a little--taciturn--I don't mean to be." 

"That's all right," said Jenna. "Be nice to be with a quiet man for a change." 

"Buzz talks a lot?" 

"Oh, he speaks incessantly, he just doesn't say very much," Jenna chuckled. 

Alfie smiled. "This is a nice place," he commented, looking around. "Do you often come here?" 

"Buzz used to own this restaurant," Jenna informed him, for she had brought him to Company. "Before we started the detective agency...Don't ask," she responded to his puzzled expression. Alfie nodded. "Is, uh, Fatima your only child?" he wondered. 

"Oh, no, we have two sons, Coop and Rocky. If you're wondering, Fatima is adopted." 

"Oh. Is she...Indian?" Alfie guessed. 

"Arab," replied Jenna. 

"Oh. And the boys?" 

"The boys are Buzz's and mine." After their meals were served, Jenna broached the subject of the meeting. "Alfie, you said you had some sort of--?" 

"So you and Buzz owned this place, eh?" Alfie interrupted her. 

"Well, not really me. Hey, see that booth?" Jenna pointed to a booth behind them. 

"Yes." 

"My Buzz proposed to me in that booth." 

"There?" said Alfie. "Not a very romantic spot." 

"Everybody says that!" Jenna cried. "But it was the most romantic proposal any girl's ever had!" 

"That's a fine flush on your face, Jenna," Alfie noted admiringly between coughs. 

"It's just that it was romantic, no matter what you say!" 

"I'm sure it was." 

"Just watch your step, Alf, or I'll tell you all about it. Anyway... Are you sure you're up for this?" Jenna asked, seeing that her very thin lucheon companion was barely nibbling at his food. 

"Of course," said Alfie. "You want to know why I'm hiring you. Well, it's like this." He paused to slowly chew on a few bites from his turkey sandwich before continuing: 

"It's something of a missing person...Well, not really missing...There's someone I would like you to try and find for me. It's a girl...uh, a woman. She's my age. But I'm afraid it's not going to be very easy for you. You see, all I can tell you is her name: Thelma Schwarz; and that I went to high school with her in Kansas City. 55 
years ago. I...haven't seen her since." 

"You haven't seen in 55 years?" marveled Jenna. 

"No. I..." 

"May I ask, why do you wish to find her now?" 

"Well..." Alfie bashfully stared down at his plate as he spoke. 

"I'm old, Jenna. I-I don't have anyone..." 

"I understand," Jenna comforted him, seeing her friend not only moved, but also quite out of breath with the effort of taking her into his confidence. "You're lonely. That's why you want to find Thelma. That's why you wanted to talk to me." 

"When you get old, you'll understand..." 

"I understand. I was born lonely. For so long in my life, I... Anyway, I don't think I'm ever likely to get too old," Jenna inexplicably blurted out her own cryptic confidences to this near stranger! "I've--I've used up my nine lives already, I think. It's all right, though. My husband's older than I--" 

"Why do you say that?" Alfie asked in alarm, tears swelling in his eyes from the coughing. 

"Well... I'm not ill," Jenna reassured him. "It's just that my mum died at an age not much older than I am now; and my dad died--rather young, too. So I guess it's hereditary--" 

"Don't worry about that!" Alfie cried in a cracking voice. "There's something called a 'return to the mean' in nature, you know. If parents are short, their children are apt to be taller; it's the same with life expectancy." 

"Is it?" Jenna brightened like a prisoner given her reprieve shortly before the scheduled execution. "My Coop's already tall as I am. Maybe he'll be a basketball player despite Buzz and me?" 

"Well, the expectations would be for a return to the average--so you ought to expect to make it to about 85 or so." 

"Oh my, 85!" Jenna laughed. "You know about cars, you know about genes, you're a pretty smart guy, ain'tcha, Alfie?" 

"Not so smart," Alfie shook his head sadly. "Not so smart at all."



Next Chapters: 6-10                                                  (Authored by Vert)


 
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