Word count: 503 | Completed:Yes | Style: Invitation

It is recommended that, should you experience any distress, you should follow this procedure:
1:Stop looking at the invite (if you are not looking at the invite, skip to step five)
2:Blink
3:Test if you can still see. If not, contact local doctor
4:Who will refer you to a hospital somewhere else (but don't bother going)
5:Try to ignore the voices
6:Unless they are being very nice to you
7:Put your head between your knees
8:Reach out with your left hand
9:Put your left foot on blue
10:Right hand to green
11:Put away your twister game and have lunch.
This is in no way trying to be practical advice. It's just a little helper...No, it doesn't really help...But nor do santa's little helpers either (the little bludgers!)

Yes. Ive finally got around to organising my leg warming shower. *waves flag of joy*

Whence: 21st Never, 11:00 to 5:00 Whereforth: St. God's hospital.

Did you know that this invite contains no traces of pie? Isnt it sad? Gone is the day when pie was included on all invites, even eviction notices. Sometimes even death warrants had a pie fresh tang to them. But no. No longer is the computer-generated invitation privy to the spiff of pie. Which is sad. As is the alarmingly high proportion of green wiggly lines on this invite. It doesnt seem Microft likes my sentence structure. Nor does it like the word Neem.

What has happened to the Neems in the world? Sure, we all know Nemo, but hes a fish. Neem is not. Nor is Meen. Meenom is a parent-mentor alien with very prominent cheekbones (pointy enough to rival Peter Cushings in fact) so we can completely ignore him.

The thing that we cannot ignore is wether you intend to attend or not. This is not at all like Neem, Nemo, Meen or Meenom. So it has a phone number. Tell me by word of gob or via telephone, which has a number. The number is 1800-vole. At least I think it is. So ring it and see. It would be nice if you could tell me by, say, Wednesday. Yes. That would be nice.

Did you know that having your Google set to Klingon is annoying whenever there is an error? Hoch mu'mey DaghItlhchu' 'e' yI'ol is hardly illuminating.

Fly my pretties!

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Original ideas etc. are MINE, but unoriginal things are used for fun and not for profit and belong to various people.