Word count: 1, 047 | Completed:Yes | Style: All accentey, yarr

“Aww, but I wanna play!”
The raucous cry startled a flock of brightly colored parrots, scattering them into the sky.
“Now Jimmy, you listen to me – you stay away from those tharr blue rocks, you hear!” Billy-bob sternly glowered at his son.
“But – “ little Jimmy started again, stomping on an innocent snail.
“We didn’t come to Aussie land so you could go play in the blue rocks. I’ve done told you about those rocks.”
“Naww, that couldn’t happen to me,” Jimmy said, absently throwing a stone at a koala, who promptly fell out of the tree and died.
“Yarr, I done told you good. It would happen.” Billy-bob took hold of Jimmy’s arm and led him away from the blue rocks and back to their caravan site. Jimmy pouted angrily, throwing his half finished chip packet into a nearby creek. The frogs looked at the plastic floating in their water curiously.
“Tell me again, Daddeh” Jimmy whined, deciding a story would do just as well as playing in the blue rocks.
“Once,” began Billy-bob, settling himself down on a log and killing a family of weevils,
“there was a party of teenagers from Oklahoma who done come to the Down Under for a vacation.”
“Cool!” Jimmy enthused, kicking the log and killing the weevils’ neighbors.
“Don’t interrupt. These tharr Oklahoma folk stayed up all night by their campfire, talking about their lives in a deep and meaningful tone. One of them was told to get firewood because he kept being sarcastic,”
“Sarcastic? Is that a sauce from Maccas?” Jimmy enquired.
“Naw, it means…Uh… Anyway, he kept being sarcastic, so they sent him to get the wood.”
“Yaw got to know what sarcastic is Daddeh, yar done tell the story proper like if yar don’t!” Jimmy was indignant. Billy-bob snapped a twig off a nearby tree and sighed.
“Daddeh Billy-bob ain’t done told me, and unless I go weird and touch one of those Dickshonarie thangs I ain’t gonna know. Now hush up and listen to the story.”
“When he went to get tharr wood, he didn’t take no light. Soon he became proper lost, wandering round in circles. So he started being sarcastic to the trees –“
“Yarr can’t be a sauce from Maccas, unless yar dead and mixed in.” Jimmy reasoned, pleased that he was beginning to work out something for himself.
“ – and he kept being sarcastic all night. The next morning his friends started a search, but all they found was a small puddle of sarcasm. They done reasoned that he had been melted down to his base element by a wandering emoo.”
“Wassan’ emoo?” Jimmy asked.
“Stop askin’ questions, son, it’ll make your hair fall out.”
Jimmy worriedly combed his hair with his fingers as Billy-bob continued.
“They saw the foot prints of the emoo [ mispronounced ‘emu’ ], and the puddle of sarcasm, and decided that their sarcastic friend done annoyed local spirits. So they all went back to their camp site and got mighty drunk, forgot about him and went back home three days later.”
“Daddeh, am I goin’ bald?” Jimmy whimpered, poking his forhead.
“Naw. Yarr got more hair than brains.”
“Oh good.” Said Jimmy. “Keep tellin’!”
“That tharr puddle of sarcasm laid under the sky for a long time. Eventually like, it rained and the sarcasm got mixed in with the water and trickled into the creek. The local Ab-ridge-knees done drunk thar sarcastic water and started to be sarcastic themselves.” Jimmy almost commented, but stopped himself and nervously ran a hand over his scalp. Relieved, he grabbed a nearby fly and pulled its wings off.
“They were suddenly always sarcastic to each other, and thar got a point when they didn’t sleep so that they had more time to be sarcastic. A nearby tassie devil-“
“Tassie? Is that Aussie?” Jimmie couldn’t stop himself. He looked at a tuft of grass and wondered what kind of a wig it would make.
“it was on holiday. A nearby tassie devil couldn’t sleep for all of the sarcasm. So he went and got his friend, the very same emoo that had made the puzzle of sarcasm in the first place.
‘Emoo!’ he said.
‘Emoo! Emoo!’ he said.
‘Eeeeemmoooo’ he said.
‘Tassie devil?’ asked emoo.
‘Emoo!’ he said.
‘Tassie devil.’ said emoo.
They done talk like this for a very long time.”
“And after they done talking, the emoo knew all about the sarcastic Ab-ridge-knees.
‘Ab-ridge-knees sarcastic’ he said.
‘Emoo!’ said tassie devil. What is that you’re doin, Jimmy?”
“I is made a toupee!” Jimmy proudly said, an uprooted grass plant balanced on his head.
“Aw, that’s lovely.
‘Emoo!’ said tassie devil, cause he like saying that. The emoo went to the Ab-ridge-knees and gave them lawts of blue paint.
‘Shut up and paint them rocks blue!’ he said. The Ab-ridge-knees did what emoo said, because they done like the emoo.
‘Emoo!’ called tassie devil the next day.
‘Why you done make those rocks blue?’ he asked. Emoo didn’t answer, because that be the first time tassie devil had said something that wasn’t ‘Emoo!’.”
“So why did emoo do it?” Jimmy felt safe under his grass toupee, and didn’t think there was any problem with asking any more questions.
“The emoo was a very wise emoo.
‘Sarcasm is bad,’ he said.
‘Emoo?’ asked tassie devil.
‘Bad.’ emoo confirmed.
‘I done the blue rocks, so any hoomings who see it will know not to be sarcastic. And I done good – any hooming who touches them tharr blue rocks will melt into his base element. If it be sarcasm, they be absorbed.’
‘Emoo!’ said tassie devil happily.”
“Daddeh, will I turn into sarcasm if I do this?” Jimmy ran over to a blue rock and poked it.
“No Jimmy!” Billy-bob cried, but it was too late. Aghast, he watched his son melt into a puddle of sheer stupidity.
“Gall dang, now I has to go make another one.” Billy-bob trudged back to the caravan site.
“Maria! I is gone melted another Jimmy!” he called.
“Gaw, not another!” Maria called back.
“You know how hard it is to make these Jimmy kids.”
“Aw, I don’t think its that tharr hard,” Billy-bob said cheerfully, remembering the beginnings of the other five Jimmies he had conceived.

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