Word count: 256 | Completed: Yes | Style: Practical | Fandom: Spider Man

Why me? I can’t even brush my teeth without breaking something. This morning I got out of bed as carefully as I could. By the time I had put on my trench coat and pants I had knocked a lamp off my bedside table, put a hole through the ceiling and pulled a curtain off its rungs. Sometimes I blame my own clumsiness, other times I blame the size of my flat. It’s just too small – if I stand up to my full nine foot height my head is clear through the ceiling and pressing up someone’s carpet. I’ve constantly got to remember to use my own two feet and curl up my actuators as much as possible, as the consequences of even one stretch are highly embarrassing and quite expensive. Don’t even start me on the subject of taking a bath.

Sure, it’s useful being able to start breakfast whilst I’m still putting on my shoes, but what’s the use if I accidentally pull the stove out of its moorings and start a gas leak? Precision instruments such as my actuators only seem to be precise after I’ve had my morning coffee.
(A pic of Doc Ock, by me)
My landlord says I need to learn poise. Poise! How can you learn poise with four huge arms coming from your back!? I see no “Poise for the actuatorly challenged” textbooks on ebay. If anyone sees one though, I’d appreciate it if you could contact me about it. I’m off to cram myself into a taxi. Somehow.

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